AITA for throwing away my ex-husband’s Valentine’s gift for his affair partner?

FINAL UPDATE BELOW …………………………………

Timeline Clarification UPDATE: Affair baby questions UPDATE POSTED BELOW!!

My ex-husband (34M) and I (38F) have been separated for a year and the divorce was final last year. About 3 years prior, I caught him in an affair in which he cried and promised things would change and he would never do it again. I was stupid, believed him, and stayed.

After countless infidelities, I finally found enough sense and respect for myself to leave the relationship. This man gaslighted me to the nth degree about his affairs, to the point where he said I needed therapy for the marriage to continue for my “false assumptions” and “questioning his trust”. In fact solid proof of his multiple affairs were found days after the last you need therapy for not trusting me speech. This was the same day I asked for a divorce.

Found out through mutual friends he is expecting, and their conception date would be when we were still together based on his due date. So there’s that. As you can imagine this has been a lot to deal with, and having to keep in contact with him to complete divorce proceedings and removing his name from my house was painful.

Fast forward one year to today, he has not lived here for a year. This is my house, he his name is not on it in any way. I still get mail for him here in which I have constantly and kindly asked him via texts to change his address for which he says he did and will double check every time. This mail includes things like insurance cards for his new affair baby. Just last week he has picked up the last of his belongings and “important mail” which I’ve held for months waiting for him to pick up. Celebrated this would be the last time I would ever need to contact or see him again.

Yesterday I received a package, and without thinking, I opened it on my way in the door thinking it was one of my many Amazon buys lol. Well it’s a jewelry box, with 2 rather cheap looking necklaces inside, something I didn’t order. I double check the shipping label and it’s my exhusbands name. This is clearly a valentines present for the new girl as the rhinestones are green which I immediately recognized as her month’s birthstone.

He’s never ordered from this company when we were together, so I would have understood if he had an existing account which had the old address, but I don’t see that as the case. At this point I feel this is almost intentional. How many times can one put the “wrong address” on your things? This man is very much a narcissist but even I don’t know if he would go that far or if he’s just that stupid.

Would IBTA for throwing away the whole package in the trash? I looked it up and it was under $80 bucks and not fine jewelry by any means.

Also, I really wanted to go no contact moving forward so I rather not text him if it can be avoided. I would be lying if I said I didn’t still harbor resentment and hate, but I feel guilty not giving someone something they paid for.

UPDATE!! First, thank you all for all the comments reminding me that I don’t owe him anything. I don’t know why I still feel guilty for doing what I want to do. I just got home from work so as of now the package is still in my possession.

Later today the dreaded text did come; no I did not block him yet. He said he just found out they sent another package to my house, and claimed he went off on customer service for using his billing address again. I left him on read.

Interesting because this is the first package from this company to ever arrive at this house. But mostly, his billing address is still my house, he hasn’t changed it, he knows he hasn’t changed it, and he feels that’s a valid excuse for the mix up? He’s running away from tons of debt collectors, so now starting to put together to dots of why he’s not updating his address.

If it was a true mistake, part of me thought possibly he might not have the audacity to reach out to me about the gift to avoid awkwardness or shame due to the nature of the gift. I know if I was in his shoes I would have wrote that off as a loss, moved on with my life and bought a replacement to avoid the awkward and cringy conversation.

I’ve took the advice of many here and bought a return to sender stamp from Amazon to use on everything else I get from here on out. Until then I hope he doesn’t just show up at my house unannounced because I’m not sure if I’m going to respond. I’m gonna think on the package one more night before sending it into the abyss.

Additional Update for clarity on the affair baby:

I’m getting a lot of questions on the timeline of affair baby. The baby was born last year. Calculating conception date based on the due date, he knocked her up while we were still married. I didn’t say conception based on birth date because baby was born 3 months early.

How did I find out? Friends on social media. How did I know the details? He told me. Info overshared in several of his excuses as to why he couldn’t meet with the estate attorney back when I was removing him from the home’s deed. More info than I would have ever cared to know.

FINAL UPDATE

Wow so I didn’t think this post would blow up like it did. I’m a little nervous that he’s going to see the post and know it’s about him even though this is a throwaway account, but part of me doesn’t care. Thank you to everyone for the advice and for reminding me that I owe him nothing. It also brought to light that I’m being entirely too kind to someone who continues to torment and use me. Also I really enjoyed all the creative toxic ideas of what to do with the necklace and had some good laughs lol.

Despite wanting to stay no contact, today I finally responded to my ex husband’s text from yesterday. I wrote “weird, you didn’t change your billing address?” He texts, Apple Pay still has the old billing address.

So I responded, It’s been a year, and he should probably go through his accounts and change his billing address. As of last week, anything sent here (for him) should have been returned to sender. No response.

To clarify, I do not have his new address. He went through great lengths to keep that secret since he lives with AP, so I can’t file a change of address in his place or forward his debt collection mail to him. He used his mother’s address in our legal documents, so she’s about to start getting a lot of collection mail!

I received the return to sender stamp this morning and will be sending everything back moving forward until the post office gets the hint.

I know this isn’t as dramatic as most hoped, so sorry to disappoint!

As for the package? What package?