Has anyone else found themselves constantly planning out conversations with their APs?

Living under the same roof as my abusers has made me realize just how much I’ve been on the defensive. Every day, I come home expecting an attack from narcissistic and gaslighting parents.

I know the best approach is usually to ignore them and not feed into their negative energy. But after several hours of getting yelled at, I often find myself tempted to engage, wasting my precious time and energy.

A typical day might include: "Shut up, you’re so dumb. That’s why you don’t have any friends." (I don't show you my friends because you guys are racists. I'm a team lead at work, people in the real world respect me just fine.) "Useless! You can’t even do this simple task." (Why ask me for help in the first place if I’m so useless?) "Look at your cousin—he’s a doctor! How come you’re a failure?" (Because I’m NOT him. How is my engineering field inferior when all doctors rely on tech?)

After breaking out of my gray rocking method, I’m scrambling to come up with a comeback. I try my best to remain calm while using the socrative method to expose their dumb thinking but It’s so difficult to have any adult conversation with them. Narcissists are extremely stubborn and won’t budge until I admit they’re right. My APs were never educated either I can't dive into advanced conversations or use any logic.

I am an engineer, I know I'm not stupid and I'm at least competent enough to lead others. I speak 3 languages. I was a first generation student as well as the oldest so I'm always the first to fail but thats part of life. Failure is learning. Why can't APs understand that?

I work my ass off while they play the blame game for being unemployed to make themselves feel better. All this pent up frustration makes me fall for their trap every single time.