Women of India - Are you scared too?

I'm scared.

I call myself a feminist. Obviously the posts on reddit and social media stories scare me.

But more than that it is my personal experiences.

I feel the louder my voice is, the more I post about these horrendous things, the more I try to make people aware and raise my voice against injustice, is directly proportional to how scared I am.

It also blows my mind, how many people especially men are delusional and think such horrible things don't happen in reality or the men around them don't do such things.

Let me tell you a little about my story

I was 5 years old I think when the guy who used to drop me off in the auto in school (the big one where you sit next to the driver) would open my mouth with his hand and blow inside.

I was 8 years old when my van driver at the time slipped his hand inside my shirt and would touch and grope me regularly. I was too ashamed to tell my parents.

I was 12 when the landlord's friend would come over and touch me inappropriately when nobody was around

I was 13 when an older man in a wedding took advantage of the crowd surrounding us and grabbed my waist and squeezed

I was 15 when a fellow classmate of mine put his hand on my thigh at our coaching and tears lined my eyes and all I could do was run outside

I was 23 when a girlfriend of mine took me to meet an old co-worker (he was an upper management director level guy in Credit Suisse) who tried to touch me inappropriately and make me his girlfriend (whilst being married and having kids) for the price of a job to me and my friend. And she almost sold me to him for it.

I was 23 when another guy attacked me because I told him that he made me feel unsafe and we got in an argument. He literally held me in his hands pressed against my shoulders while I struggled to get out of his grip.

This didn't happen in any remote village. in fact it happened in UK. 5 other people saw it who were in the house at the time (all Indians) and they might have given him a slap on the wrist but nothing happened. Nothing changed. The worst thing was my own best friend was too scared about her visa status to take a stand for me (I obviously broke ties with her)

There are so many other incidents that I can't even tell here because it would take forever. I get nightmares every night about stuff like this.

I feel I cannot have guy friends because they keep making moves on me and calling me baby even after I say I'm not interested or touching me inappropriately even after I say I'm not comfortable. They just don't understand boundaries.

Now I do know that there are some good men out there who are genuinely nice but I've just had so much trauma (I realised this yesterday) that the person who used to be a very bold, confident and outgoing has become a timid little thing who is scared to even talk to guys.

And I'm just one girl who has been harassed by so many men, the worst part is that most of them were people I knew, not some strangers but people that come from the same society, class, and background.

We have been let down. All of us.

Edit - Please feel free to share your experiences as well