How do you deal with a partner's depression without it breaking you too?

My husband has been struggling with depression for about a year now. He is getting therapy twice a month, tried and went off antidepressants for a bit, and has just recently restarted them again. He feels low about everything, and is especially low on himself and has just no self-esteem, and frequently says he feels awful, useless, fat, a waste of space, etc. He's not any of that. In reality he's wildly successful in his career, is a generous and loving spouse and family member and friend, and is in incredibly good shape.

But his depression is bringing me down severely. He tells me frequently that we would be better off alone so he won't hurt me any more, that he won't have to disappoint me or live up to my expectations, and so that I can find someone better than him. Never have I told him any of this. I've never, ever expressed to him that I want someone better or that he disappoints me. What I have told him is that it hurts me to see him in distress like this and I want him to get better for his sake. He's interpreted this to mean that if he doesn't get better, I'll leave him, and said he went back on the antidepressants because otherwise I would have left him.

He twists the things I say, and I know it's the depression talking, but it still hurts my feelings. He told me a month or two ago that he wasn't sure he'd ever be back to the same person he used to be, and I said I wanted him to keep seeking treatment because I knew this wasn't him and I miss the real him. Now every time he's feeling badly, like today, he brings that up again and says he feels like I judge him and I'm getting ready to leave him if he doesn't get better. He refuses marriage counseling because he doesn't want more work to do until he's feeling better. He has told me some cruel and hurtful things in the last year--like that he wishes he had divorced me in 2017, he was angry with me on a trip we went on in 2022, he finds sex with me to be boring and unfulfilling--but when I bring up these things in the same way he keeps bringing up the things he thinks I've said, he accuses me of being manipulative and hurtful.

We're in separate bedrooms at the moment, which was his idea, and I've told him that any time he wants to come back to our room he can and I'll be happy to see him there. Several times. And yet when he mentions it, he'll say "it feels like you don't want me in our room." Why? "I don't know I just have that feeling." At times like this I do get frustrated and upset with him because it feels like he doesn't believe the things I say, or straight up interprets them the opposite way.

I feel like I'm dying inside and I'm sad all the time. I love him and I care for him extremely, and it hurts me when he flings off random comments like "I wish I knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally and not feel like I have to live up to something." When I ask him if he feels that my love is conditional, he says "Not really, but I feel that way." I don't feel like there's any joy left in our marriage because of his depression, and I hate the disease that plagues him, but I don't hate him. I don't know how to get through to him, and I don't know what to do for myself. Any advice on dealing with a partner's depression without letting it kill you inside? Sometimes I cry on my way home because I don't know what I'll be walking into.