How the hell do I learn this?

My wife is Dominican and wants me to learn bachata but won't teach me.

I watched a few YouTube videos and read some comments here and everything is so confusing. Nothing seems to correlate or agree, one person calls it something but apparently the moves don't have names ?

I'm just so confused by this whole thing and trying to make sense of it. Learning things for me has always been linear , books, lessons, things with hard failures or successes. But it seems to me bachata is "make it up as you go just tap your feet to the beat" and my mind is just telling me that's wrong and there must be more to it.

I tried looking on google for some local lessons near me or preferably a private instructor while I work not bars going on? but again, I can't make heads or tails or this, it's all so far above my head .

I've never done any dancing before, I don't really understand the club social scenes and it just all makes me feel inadequate and frustrated. I feel like there's this whole hidden thing that I just can't see. I know with practice things get easier and better, but this is honestly just so overwhelming and anxiety inducing. I'm just trying to learn to dance so I can do bachata with my wife.

I'm just so confused. Can anyone help ?