What’s meant for you will find you. Yes, that’s sometimes your ex. But you gotta let go first.

Disclaimer. know there is mixed feelings on here about getting back with your exes and I totally get that. This is not to give anyone false hope, or to even advocate that you should try. Because yes you shouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want you. Point blank.

But I also know the mindset I was in when I had a breakup. And the feeling that you just want to go back to them, the feeling like you’ll never be okay again, and the whole slew of ways your mind swings in those early days.

I was desperate to get my ex back. Thought my life would never be okay if I didn’t. And it took many many weeks to feel even remotely like myself again.

Every breakup is different, this was a long distance and lack of communication. Both parties did things that could have been improved. And when it first happened I was desperate to prove myself and that it was a mistake for him to end it. But it took me being accountable and actually wanting to be better for ME, to get better. I did the work, I sought out therapy, books, videos podcast. Things to help me understand relationships and how to advocate for myself in them while also being considerate of others.

And my ex did the same. I didn’t know he was doing it, but after a few months. We recognized the work that had been done and gave it another shot. And I can truly say it’s been the best 6 months since then. Not everyday is perfect, and it’s also easy to remember that pain. But we communicate those moments in healthy ways and through the tactics we learned on our own while we were apart.

I waited 6 months to make this post. I was on this sub when I was in the initial hard days of my breakup. Those of you hurting, I see you, I hear you, I was YOU. And if you’re here to just desperately get your ex back, then I’m here to share that you have to want to make yourself the best version of yourself for YOU. Not them. And if it’s meant to find you, it will. But hey maybe you’ll realize that that best version of you, has outgrown them and deserves the love of your life.

I’m not sure if this is helpful. Hell, maybe it will get a ton of hate. But relationships can be improved, exes can change. But you have want to improve for yourself first. And so does your ex. Either way, you’ll come out a more awesome version of the already awesome person you are. Hang in there guys. You got this. Happy to answer any questions, if anyone reads this.

EDIT: trying to answer some questions: didn’t expect to get traction on this. As the comments said below, yes I have other things going on and have been out of the country for work😂. And also tbh this sub tends to be pretty negative so I try not to be on here much anymore.

But for context he broke up with me, though I can’t lie that I had also been unhappy. NC lasted about 3 weeks, before I reached back out. There’s controversy about maybe if I should have been the one to do that, but it was what felt right for me and my relationship. We went back into contact but worked on ourselves with less contact for about another 6 weeks before getting back together “officially”. We did set boundaries and the intent that we wanted to get back together. And a timeline for that. We said if 8 weeks we didn’t see a path forward we would move on. But we both had been improving our communication and felt like 6 weeks was good to do that.

Context, Also we are long distance so that was a large part of the breakup and not knowing how to communicate with one another in that circumstance. We did also set boundaries with each other that we didn’t want the other to entertain other relationships while we were working things out (not that either of us wanted to, but that’s an important boundary to set).

I appreciate the kind words from you all.