Just smoked my first cigarette.

I just smoked my first cigarette. Chhoti advance and I am not feeling guilty for context, I am in first sem recently, my final exams were over, and I am just sitting on my bed every day. I try to gain new skills, but I end up just marinating on the bed, my girlfriend and I are having a lot of relationship issues. We nearly got broken up. We might broke up. Things are not really good. I don’t know about anything. I have been in a relationship for the last 2 1/2 years. I don’t know if we’ll work out or not. I am expecting KTs also but shamelessly, I am not studying for them. I know I can study and I still have a little bit of time, but I am not. I am having existential crisis when I smoke the cigarette. It just gave me a buzz and that feeling was amazing. It was as if all all my worries, tension and stress is gone. I am just me, and I am just existing. I know that I should be shameful about what am I doing with my life I am kind of, but I am not guilty about smoking.