I realized something that helps me fight my inner critic

I have so much toxic shame and a loud inner critic. I believe I'm worthless, less than others, I deserved any mistreatment, I was a problem child.

I understood those beliefs originated with my abusers, but I couldn't internalize that. I still believed all of it, and I couldn't even comprehend that maybe it wasn't true. It seemed impossible to shift this.

But today it hit me. They didn't say all those things to me to convince ME - it was to convince themselves. It was their way of justifying their own horrible behaviors. THEY needed to believe I was a problem child who deserved it all. It was never even about me.

That thought is deeply painful. But somehow it's also the first time I can tolerate the idea that maybe, just maybe, none of it was true.