Gotta get it off my heart

I started a job in Nov 2023 and I loved it from the very start and was trained by who I saw immediately as the most beautiful woman in my life (I’ve been so lonely my whole life) over this time I’ve learned a lot about my self changed my look the tiniest and grew a bunch of confidence. I’ve always crushed over this girl and over time found her to be a super pure and sweet individual. She’s never been with anyone, is focused on herself and her goals. Loves her friends and family and is involved with god. She’s funny and very caring. Strong and resilient. When I see her I can’t help but glance and take my looks when I can. she’s always been very friendly with me and I never thought to maybe see if she was interested until I got myself together a bit but I could notice a change in her behavior maybe she would show more attention and entertain me, call me handsome, tell me I look good or want to know and ask questions about me. I notice her cult of friends at work treat me as one. she’ll ask what my type is and if I have a crush and I quickly say no. I’m very stoic so naturally I assume it’s taken at face value as a HARD NO but I wanna tell her it’s her. Anyways starting from before secret santa I got her name and had to get her gifts. I ain’t never gifted shit but I got her a nice bag/purse, some blue flowers (blue being her fav), snacks and candies, a candle and perfumes. (Went out of my way I felt) We hugged and typical reaction “you’re so sweet” “thank you very much” etc, I take her to some coffee a bit later after a shift we have together, we talk for an hour, laughing and understanding each other and she just slips in that she sees me as a brother… all I have to say is ever since then I took my step back as in no compliments, no free attention and stopped really initiating convo and it feels like I’m at the point where I just dgaf if she even thinks of me as a friend or a random person again. Are these platonic behaviors from women? especially if she knows that I’m very deprived from people let alone women my whole life and I do love it like that which is why it doesn’t bother me so much but wow I got taken for a roller coaster in my head I felt like for a good 4 months. Any thoughts? Just to afterface I’ve always been a dude who has thought MEN and WOMEN cannot just be friends.