Struggling between faith and atheism

I would've put this in an atheism subreddit but most people in those subreddits are extremely atheist and against religion, but I need it from the view of people who have, or are in the process of pulling from Christianity.

I've questioned Christianity before i came to the faith and continued to question it during.

Believing in God, Jesus and everything else made a positive impact on my life. But it also begged the question of; is it because there's a God out there, or is it because my mindset had changed? Of course, I do believe in there being something after death, the paranormal and things like angels. But the whole thing of Christianity feels.. different from having these beliefs.

People tell me God's love is unconditional, but hey, I have to do x, y and z to be saved from eternal hellfire. To me, also, it felt like God made humanity to worship him- is that not self-centered? And how would we have free will if we're punished for not following his way?

Does anybody have any recommendations for atheists or people who have deconstructed from religion?

I'm scared of offending God if he is real, but I'm also scared of following something that's not entirely real 😞