Cocaine is inevitable

I can’t escape it. There’s just not a chance. I made a fucking PACT with my best friend of 7+ years to give it a 6 month rest at minimum, and after give or take 8 beers we both instantly folded and went home with two BLOW HEAD WHORES!!!!!

I don’t mean to use that term so loosely, but I mean come on - as soon as they heard the word cocaine (which to be fair, I brought up) they instantly promised us the most and more.

So now here I am. Wide awake next to a lady I would never ever even think of sleeping with sober - 2+ hours into a horrible, and I mean horrible intimacy session. The Johnson maybe stayed functional for an hour. Maybe. So I did what I had to do and slurped box for a solid 45. Did what had to be done.

Is that the point of this? No. I’m going through it hardcore. Failure in life. Not worthy of my program. There’s dudes who spent their entire February sphincter deep in books, while I grinded CS2 telling myself “you’re a gamer dude, no going out for you.”. And here I am. 7:05AM losing my fucking mind. A full bag - 1g, all to myself in give or take 2 hours. Did I need to? No. Did I have to (in my head?)? Yes. Jeff Buckley and random drum and bass sprinkled in told me so.

I don’t know guys. I know it doesn’t sound that bad, but I have so much shit to do every day and I feel like at this point I’m just fucking failing. I failed my first midterm EVER last month, and it was a horrible feeling.

Is the only way out of this to stop drinking entirely ? I can’t help it. Cocaine fits my drinking habits so fucking well and this FUCKING LADY WONT STOP MOVING I CANT SLEEP.

This reads like a shitpost but it truly isn’t. Gonna try and rub one out in the bathroom - the past is growing, and the future is receding, all I can hope for is a happy ending. Cheers.