Gameweek 3 Fraud Watch
FRAUD WATCH
Fraud Watch resumes its first televised broadcast in 2020; there's a quite a lot to things to unpack so let's do a quick rundown. Some guy in China ordered bat soup and decided to screw over the plans of 7.5 billion people, Barcelona got molested and violated by Hansi Flick (a man who we're fully convinced was a German war criminal in his past life), Mikel Arteta is currently averaging a silverware in every 16 games, and that the full meaning of FPL is still Fraudulence. Pain. Loathing.
Now to specific matters, FPL managers think of themselves as expert analysts and forward thinkers with the ability to plan for any shortcomings, whereas most of us are simply monkeys operating a typewriter hoping that any one of our hundreds of drafts is the perfect one. After an average Gameweek 1, the 5 most transferred out players returned a combined 73 points in Gameweek 2 to further cement the age-old adage that says 'The Manager proposes, but the FPL gods unapologetically disposes'
For our pilot episode of #FraudWatch, we have 9 contestants today from all parts of the world;
- Havertz
- Vinagre
- Mccarthy
- Che Adams
- Alli
- Doherty
- Egan
- Ayling
- Saint-Maximin
Havertz;
As the second most-expensive signing in Chelsea's history, This dynamic deutschman made his debut in 750,000 fantasy teams with a huge 2-pointer. Without a single shot in the league over two games, his managers would be pleased to hear that he's averaging 0.5 key passes per 90 to the linesmen. After terrorising the mighty Barnsley with a hatrick in the league cup, his owners would be hoping for a bountiful harvest against the worst team in the league.
Vinagre;
Once touted as the best 4.5m defender in the entire game. 600,000 managers saw this cheap route into the Wolves defence and were swiftly rewarded with a Gameweek 1 benching, and a Gameweek 2 one-pointer where he blocked his managers from getting potential Mitchell points. With other 4.5 defenders returning points, it's safe to say that Vinegar has left most of his managers feeling salty.
McCarthy;
With two points in his first two games, this popular pick is a classic example of peer pressure and hivemind mentality. There were no reasonable stats backing up this pick whatsoever. We feel someone just said 'Hey, lets pick that Mccarthy dude', and 1.4 million unfortunate managers decided to join in. He was on the receiving end of a 5-2 thrashing by a Spurs side who literally scored the same exact goal 4 times. This is the result when Southampton play a defensive line like they're Bayern Munich but have the defense / midfield of Luton Town
Che Adams;
If you own Adams instead of Ings, you need to confess to yourself that you're a cheapskate who loves cheap things. He decided to reward his owners with the Che Deluxe Treatment; which includes muitple big chances missed, a yellow card, consecutive blanks, and a price drop. We're fully convinced that Che Adams is going to pass the eye test 10 games in a row but never actually score. Will Adams be able to redeem himself in the Garden of Turf Moor or would he be banished from our teams forever?
Alli;
With his newly-cut 90s pornstar moustache, Dele Alli went into this season owned my 200k managers, most notably Magnus Carlsen. Many of his managers picked him solely because of the Tottenham All-or-Nothing documentary, and they were rewarded with...exactly nothing. Subbed at HT in the first Gameweek and left out of the squad in the second one, he has suffered three price drops and might just be on his way back to MK Dons.
Doherty;
Bamboozled by the famous "2nd Season Mourinho" narrative, a lot of managers flocked to our Irish Cafu after an electric 2019/2020 season. In two starts, he has caused a penalty, received a yellow card, and amassed a heavy 2 points for his 1.5 million owners
Saint-Maximin;
"Here goes Saint-Maximin, trying to make things happen for Newcastle. And he runs into a defender." This piece of commentary is probably ingrained into the minds of his 1.3 million owners. Seen as the best budget midfield option prior to Gameweek 1, his owners started to contemplate their decisions after the first game. Some managers said a 3 pointer from him would be considered a haul in gameweek 2, and he disappointed them once more with a huge 1-pointer, a price drop and an ankle injury
Ayling;
A white man in a white kit with a man-bun hairstyle, It can only be a Leeds player. Heralded as an ultra-attacking fullback in the Bielsa system, this asset has failed to register a goal or assist and has shipped in 7 goals in 2 games; giving his owners a 1 point tally across both games
Egan;
Owned by 1 million ill-fated managers, John Egan is currently averaging -1 points per game. Enough said.
Goodluck To All Our Managers in Gameweek 3. May our arrows be evergreen. Fraud Watch is a fortnight programme, and would be back in Gameweek 5
EDIT: Really appreciate the feedback guys. Glad to receive a positive response. To clear things up, A Fraud is someone who is at least fairly owned and blanks in two consecutive gameweeks.
EDIT VOL. 2: We have a twitter account. Much Apreesh.