Breaking Down

Hey. It's been a hot minute since I've really posted anything in this subreddit. I took a bit of a break from it.

As election grows closer, I'm actively becoming more and more suicidal. I'm a trans male. There is so much hate for those in my community. Hate from people that don't even know who I am as a person. What I've been through, who or what I support. I've lost friends and family over things that used to not even matter to them. The future looks very grim, and the more political stuff I see, the more I just don't want to stick around because it reminds me of the things I've lost, and it makes me fear what will come next.

As I type this, I've got tears in my eyes. Our area has become more and more pro Trump. I know not every supporter is out to remove me from existence, but it's still really scary to see. It's hard to see if they're simply pro Trump or just in the qult all together because it's blended so much, and I'm not about to ask people what their beliefs are just to get a better read on if I'll be safe where I'm living.

Moving is unfortunately not an option. I have severe mental health issues and it's heavily impacted my life to the point I can't get a job. I can't seem to get on disability either, so I'm unfortunately stuck living with my mother and her qanon husband.

I've said it before in this subreddit - my mom has sense. She knows not to believe a lick of what he says, has her own mind ((Albeit stubborn)) and I'm so thankful for that.

I'm not looking for answers on my situation, or things to do, rather. But what I feel like I need right now is to just know I'm not alone in my fears. I just wish someone could sincerely tell me that everything was going to be alright. I wish I had a local community I could go to for people like me. Something LGBTQ+ related. Or with allies/friends that won't call me horrible things just because I'm trans. But the closest is 45 minutes to an hour away, and the last person that was able to drive me up there has quit their job at the therapy office.