I'll kill myself after my parents die.

They are the only reason I've decided not to already. I haven't wanted to live this life for many years now. Several years back I secured the means to kill myself, but I decided that life isn't bad enough to put my parents through that. But after they are gone what will the point of going on living be? I have no desire to keep going. It's just something I'm willing to do to not hurt my parents.