Finally feel at ease

I (38F) have thought about it for years and I have decided to end my own life. After a life of pressure and struggling and it never getting easier I’ve made the decision. I haven’t felt picked a date in a couple of months as I don’t want to ruin my kids (19M & 14F) and best friends (29F) upcoming major events and will give me time to plan how and ensure my loved ones don’t stumble across the act or deceased me.

It’s the first time in atleast a decade I can breathe. I haven’t felt this ease in a long time, if ever. Is this how normal people feel all the time?

I’m going to wear the mask of my life and ensure these last few months are the happiest for my kids.

Would my wishes for my minimal possessions be legal if written in a letter with my signature? I don’t have much but important to me. Wishes for my daughter etc? Her dad won’t fight for her so not worried about that but I want my best friend to have her not my mum and my only concern is my mum may fight it legally for appearances. I do currently live in a shipping container fold out house in mum and her husband’s back yard so worried legally she may get her to avoid her relocating out bush with my best friend and her husband. I can’t afford a lawyer at all. I have no money. None.

How soon after the act does your body need to be found to allow organ donation? This is my final wish for myself & I’ve signed up to donate as much as possible even skin and eyeballs to be donated if viable so want to ensure I do it in a way this is possible.

I’m not going to write my wishes down yet as I don’t want my kids to find them but have gotten the book I’m doing it in.

Any advice appreciated but really just wanted to get it out and tell someone.