Am I the crazy one?

[throw away account]

For the record, I [16ftm] have always had a very open mind when it comes the way people express themselves (both cis and other trans people). However there’s stuff recently that leads me to believe I may not be as “accepting” as I once thought I was.

I’m a binary trans guy, and I’ve never made any effort to identify strictly with the labels of transgender or transsexual. When I tell someone I’m trans it has never mattered to me whether the words gender or sexual follow. But I’m starting to think that using the term transsexual might be necessary.

There’s a few peers in my year group that identify as “gender diverse people” and one person in particular (let’s call them Loki) has made me doubt my own beliefs on gender expression. This person identifies as a “non-binary trans masc” and uses he/they pronouns, they have a very effeminate appearance and purple/red coloured hair and make no effort to correct people when they’re being deadnamed. I honestly still have no idea what the fuck a trans masc non binary is, but I figured maybe I’d ask them about their identity to help understand or somehow “enlighten me” onto what it means.

They claimed - and I quote - “Well im not dysphoric about my body and im not going to go medical, but who wouldn’t prefer being a big buff man in a skirt?”

This really rubbed me the wrong way. I know that my own experience isn’t universal but surely someone like Loki shouldn’t fall under the trans label? It made me question why non binary is even considered a “trans identity”.

I believe that trans men are men, and trans women are women, but I feel like these types of people exist to make a mockery of that. I have done everything in my power to make transition possible, I am fully socially transitioned and am currently chasing after hrt (parents aren’t supportive in the slightest so I’ve had no luck atm). My “gender expression” ties directly to sex characteristics, it is a NEED for me to transition, I NEED these procedures and changes to my body, it is a NEED to have a body with male sex characteristics and not female, I can’t even begin to describe the mental and sometimes even physical anguish im put through because of my “transness”.

But someone who just “wants to be a man for funnies” is the same as me? A non binary lesbian falls under the trans label too? Someone who “doesn’t suffer from gender dysphoria” is still trans? All because gender is merely a “social construct that we can break down and now suddenly we can just CHOOSE to be trans now”????

I don’t mean to dictate how others present, im not trying to police anything. But if these people are “transgender” then we are not the same and I don’t wish to be put under the same umbrella with them. I’m inclined to believe that making an effort to use transsexual when referring to (me) being trans is the right direction for me to go considering how I view it as a condition.

Am I crazy for believing that? I don’t usually give a shit what people do with their lives or what words that want to be referred to with, but this is SERIOUSLY bugging me.

This is my first time posting anything here, sorry for the long rant 😅