I was strangled last night

Last night my now ex boyfriend strangled me.

He had choked me maybe once or twice in the past, but not this bad..

When he puts his hands on me last night I remember first thinking that there was no way he was actually going to choke me… right? Then the pressure on my neck became greater. A chokehold turned into a headlock.

I remember half way thinking “oh my god I might actually die. How do I even get out of this?” I remember frantically looking for a way to get him off me while simultaneously trying not to exert too much energy so I didn’t completely lose oxygen..

And the worst part is, he says he “doesn’t remember” … how convenient right? I called the cops after and now he’s mad at me for “ruining his life” … what a joke. As if I somehow forced him to choke me out.

It’s hard because i unfortunately care about this person even though he’s dangerous. Unfortunately it hurts my heart to hear him cry even though his actions dug his own grave.

No matter how much I love him though I am never going back. I refuse to die at the hands of this man. Or any man for that matter.

The only regret I have is not leaving sooner. I don’t know who needs to hear this but it doesn’t get better. It will never get better. You cannot love these men into being better. These men are not wired the same as you and me, or people with any empathy.

I remember during some of our worst fights I would literally wish for him to hit me, because then I’d have indisputable “proof” that couldn’t be twisted by any form of gaslighting… don’t be like me. Please. I could’ve taken my last breath last night. And you’re probably thinking “he’d never do that to me” … yeah, I thought that too.

The truth of the matter is if he’s hitting or breaking things around you, YOU ARE NEXT. It is NOT if, it is when.