Know that I am, but afraid for the diagnosis

Hi beautiful women, I am having a moment... i am 38, life has been a struggle. I thought because of emotional neglect of parents but my gut knows that I also have ADHD/ADD. I am part of this group and I feel so at home here. In the world I feel always different. In a way, every day is a struggle/challenge. I have avoided the diagnosis. When it is not there, i can cover up and also pretend to myself as if it is not there. But the burden of this secret is too big. I am so afraid of the diagnosis and what will come out of it. I went a few years ago to my doctor asking for testing of ADHD. He said: better not, because it will be more difficult to get a loan or insurance.. a few years later i demanded a test for autism, so i went to the psychologists, but she took the route of trauma/healing. But now I want to be tested because I will have so many setbacks in life if i am not honest. Were you guys afraid? Did it help you afterwards or did you become more insecure?