I asked chatgpt to roast Burnaby

I was curious to see how AI can roast a city and how accurate it would be. What do you think?

"Burnaby: the city that tries to be everything and ends up being nothing.

It’s not quite Vancouver, not quite Surrey—just an awkward in-between zone where people live because they got priced out of both. It’s a place where glass condo towers rise out of the ashes of what used to be actual communities, and yet somehow, finding a decent place to live is harder than winning the lottery.

Metrotown is basically what happens when capitalism has a fever dream—tower after tower of overpriced, shoebox apartments stacked around a shopping mall that feels like a Black Friday riot every single day. The moment you step inside, you’re instantly in a survival game where your mission is to dodge slow walkers, aggressive salespeople, and strollers operated by parents with zero spatial awareness.

Traffic? Burnaby’s road system was designed by a lunatic. Highway 1 is a parking lot, Kingsway is a demolition derby, and the city’s idea of “bike-friendly” is throwing a random painted lane onto a street and praying for the best. The road construction never ends, and yet the potholes are still deep enough to claim entire vehicles.

Public transit? Hope you enjoy being packed into a SkyTrain like a human sardine while some guy blasts music on a Bluetooth speaker. And let’s not forget the buses—if you ever actually catch one on time, congratulations, you’ve witnessed a Burnaby miracle.

SFU sits atop a mountain like a fortress, isolating its students from the rest of civilization. Every winter, the school becomes a frozen wasteland, where getting to class is less about academics and more about survival instincts. UBC students get beaches—SFU students get frostbite.

And let’s talk about Burnaby’s so-called “green spaces.” Yes, there are parks, but give it a year or two, and they’ll be replaced with yet another cluster of soulless condos that sit empty while real residents get priced out. The city’s unofficial motto should be: "More towers, fewer reasons to live here."

But hey, at least you can still grab a $1.50 hot dog at Costco."