Flaring up against the emptiness

no clue if this is against guidelines or anything, but i just gotta get this off my shoulders :/ in the past couple of days, i’ve been declining mentally and making myself flare up by dehydration to at least feel something. I also want to make myself get worse before my upcoming cardiologist appointment (friday), so that the doctors would finally take me seriously. does anyone have any tips on how to handle this? it’s like i’m fighting against my mind and can’t get the upper hand.