Escaping Worth-Shit Services Guide For Dummies

I am really hesitant to post this because it might backfire on us, so I'm just going to put some general tips and what you need for preperation.

I saw a post here regarding their friend getting caught by a church official getting a katibayan without attending WS so I decided to make this post.

Are you tired of hearing your bullshit ministers blabber about false salvation and homophobic remarks? You don't want your katiwala to visit you everytime you didn't attend their worth-shit service? Well my friend, this tutorial is for you. Stick around and read what I'm about to say here and I'm going to make you a master ninja at escaping Worth-shit Services with ease.

As a self proclaimed professional of doing these kinds of things for 3 months now, I'm going to teach YOU! Yes, YOU! How you too can master the art of the "Katibayan-technique-no-jutsu" with elegance and increase your Sneak points to 100!

First things first before you start, is DO NOT DO THIS ON YOUR OWN LOCALLE. This is risky to do because some people will recognize you, especially if they visited you in your house before. I do it from time to time since I'm not recognized by OWEs there and because I never attend pulongs, panatas etc. If you still live with your parents, I wouldn't advise you to do it especially if you care about your parent's tungkuins, because there's a chance their church duties will be in peril because of the "sin" you're about to do. Also, there's a 99.9% chance you're going to run into them.

"Attend" on another localle instead and make sure you DON'T interact with the OWEs on a localle you want to do this technique. You'll only interact with them if they come to you, and if they do, talk minimally. Don't go "buddy-buddy" with them. Make sure NO ONE will recognize you, so don't wear any elegant clothing that makes you look conspicuous. That means no flashy rings, gold necklaces, long sleeves with vests, etc.. Wear what a normal OWE would wear so you can easily blend in with the crowd. If you're ballsy. Wear a white polo to pretend you're in a church duty.

Secondly, is to take a picture, or take down notes of the schedules of the localles you wanted to do the Katibayan-technique-no-jutsu on. If you can do more than one localle, the better, since that will make you unpredictable and lessen your chance of being recognized every time you attend a WS on their localle.

Once you took down the notes on your localle/s, make your schedule UNPREDICTABLE.

"Attend" WS on Wednesdays and Saturdays on Week 1

"attend" on Thusrdays on Localle 1 and Sundays on Localle 2 on Week 2

Wednesday morning on Localle 2 and Sunday afternoon on Localle 1 on Week 3

Wednesday night and Sunday mornings on another on week 4 and so on and so forth.

If you have multiple localles like me, combine them on your schedule if possible like this.

Tip: If you have time and you're not lazy like me, try to figure out what time is the WS about to end. Usually it's 45-50 minutes on a regular WS, and a whole hour or 1 hour and 15 minutes if it's a Pasasalamat or Manaloflix. You can measure the times yourself if you want to, but this is an accurate estimation on my part.

In executing the technique, there are many ways in doing it. But my personal favorite was pretending you forgot to get your katibayan, so you "came back for it".

Disclaimer: NEVER stay in front of the church as the WS is starting if you decide to wait until the end. Sometimes there are officers roaming around. Find a way to hide because sometimes church officers will leave their post to run some errands like buying food or something. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Method 1:

Blending In

Wait for at least 30 seconds until half of the people are out of the church, then proceed to the gate. If you can, avoid the church officers. If they have multiple gates, go to where the least amount of church officers are posted then proceed to where the kalihiman is, then blend in with the line.

Method 2 (Very risky):

Mind Games

Get your katibayan at the start of the WS. Be 30 minutes early so you have time to escape. Once you get your katibayan, you can wait outside until church officers are either occupied or not looking in one direction. Some officers are stationed outside, be careful. If someone didn't recognize you and approached you. Just say you're not going to attend the WS, and you're waiting for someone or something. Try to make up some bs, just make sure you make them think you didn't take your katibayan yet. If they let you go, leave.

Method 3 (Stupid method, but I tried it before twice. It works):

I Am A Spy

You have to be early for this. You can only do this if your kapilya is very big, the bathroom is outside the church and there are multiple cubicles with good cover. If you just came from school and your pants are black, have a spare polo under your bag. Put them UNDER your textbooks so they wouldn't check it just in case. Take your katibayan, and go to the bathroom. Change into your polo clothes and wear a different mask color than what you wore when you entered the church. (if you wore a black face mask when you entered, wear a white one if you change clothes) Wait for a few minutes, then leave.

There are many ways to escape the WS but I can only say 3 of these to avoid spilling out all my "secrets". If ever they become vigilant and paranoid because of this post. I apologize in advance. I just want to help trapped members to not suffer no longer just because they are forced to attend worth-shit services.

Mods, if you feel that this post is very risky to post, feel free to remove this without hesitation. Be sure to inform me first so I'll know. That is all, thank you.