Failed transition is turning has turned me into an awful person
Idk if it's just a failed transition, or maybe it's the perfect storm. The conditions required to ruin me all just happened at the same time
- Failed transition
- I hit the wall
- Society turns it's back on trans people
I hate the person I've become. I recall having confidence in all types of things, work, hobbies, relationships. I miss not panicking over how I look every time I leave my home. I miss not being bitter and angry and depressed all the time. I've withdrawn from friendships and social interactions. I've ghosted people and isolated myself. I've restricted the media I consume because it reminds me of how terrible I am and how I fit into absolutely nowhere. I'm an extrovert who feels forced into the life of an introvert and a hermit. My diet and exercise in self-care are all going down the drain right now and I feel so bad...
I see some things in myself now that I see in the incel community and I haaaaate it so much.
The fact that almost everyone else says transition has been a wonderful thing for them just eats me up inside.
Is it the shame? Is it living in the closet? Am I just a terrible person inside and I needed some way to expose it?