Trying to find the most soulless coffee place in London - please help

Me and my girlfriend everywhere we go look for the most pretentious and soulless coffee places we can possibly find. I mean, the coffee HAS to taste a bit praliney. Menu with minimal numbers and words, just super pretentious.

We went to one in Paris (pictured - Kawa Coffee), and each time we talked the staff looked like they wanted to kill us. This is the vibe I’m looking for.

Also, please give genuinely good coffee recommendations!