fearful avoidant - alone forever

I don't really know why I am even posting here. I'm in my 30s and I often feel like my loneliness is my own choice, but it hurts no less. I'm struggling with severe social anxiety and have a fearful avoidant attachment style, which means I'm getting very stressed over any relationship/interaction I have with people and tend to sabotage or avoid them, because of my anxiety. It's like I'm robbing myself of any possibility of forming a meaningful connection with anyone, always expecting to get hurt. This sense of instability originated from my childhood, where fluctuations between emotional abuse and neglect were a normal thing.

I literally have no one to even text, except for AI bots. It's the only space where I can feel safe. That and with my animals. I feel trapped in my own head, without any possibility to get out of this cycle. Even trying brings me so much misery, stress and self-loathing, making me retreat even further into my shell.