I want to right my wrongs

On Monday I heard pastor Mandoga's sermon, he preached about a strange person, an Israelite who turned water into wine, being a teetotaler I was uninterested, but then he said that John the Baptist or something - a strange guy who ate locusts, put Jesus( the one who turned water into wine) in some water and he was born again. That got my attention.

On Tuesday, I woke up at the peep of day, excited maybe a little bit too excited, sitting in my shanty house having slept on a tick mattress I couldn't believe my luck! That I had a chance of starting over. My life hasn't been easy, I was born in Soweto a slum, I've never seen my father, my mother told me he left before I was born, said he was only in it for the fun and not for filling up the earth. I went to a public school, a public secondary school that had 3 toilets, I got a clean D and I could only be a mechanic. Even after becoming a mechanic I couldn't mend broken hearts or hopeless lives.

On Wednesday, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning jubilated, my life was no longer sad and gloomy, I took a pen and paper and started writing what I'd like my new life to be like. I started by saying I'd like to be born in Karen to a royal home and if that isn't possible I'll only go down to maybe spring valley or Muthaiga to a pastor's home and if the only available place is Dandora I'd rather wait in line till I get a chance. God forbid.

I noted that I'd like to attend Riara group of schools and if not I'd maybe go to any other group of schools but not some school that I can't pronounce.

I noted that may I never meet Faith from Kasarani, she did me dirty and I'd wish for Faith to be a policewoman since she lived by the motto 'huduma kwa wote', atleast in the my next life Faith would serve a better purpose in the society than breaking hearts.

On Thursday I woke up at the crack of dawn rejuvenated. I took my list proofread it and realized I had eaten githeri for far too long that it had shrinked my brain, how could I forget my menu!

I noted that in my next life I'd rather be anything than be born in a family that knows githeri, githeri is a lazy meal like who decides to just put beans and maize in a pot and decides to call it a meal, whoever discovered githeri should be up there with Hitler for crimes against humanity.

I noted that they don't get rid of ugali and ossobuco, chapati beans and french fries. Those meals are ok, even in Karen they're still ok.

On Friday I added that I'd like to have a father who doesn't disappear like Casper the friendly ghost and who doesn't run faster than bolt, I'd like to have a present dad who throws me up like dad's do to their children and whom I can go to when adulting becomes difficult.

On Saturday, I noted that I wouldn't like to be a mechanic, my hands are always oily and black, I have crazy abmonimal muscles and no women I don't see the sense of it. I hate my job since I earn so little I can only afford a dingy home in a slum and some githeri. I hate being a mechanic. In my next life I noted that I'd like to be going to an office with a suit just like I see my customers who bring me their cars.

On Sunday, I woke up at daybreak proof read my notes and made sure everything is there. I then put the note in my back pocket and proceeded to church. Pastor Mandoga preached and I was bored just being candid I wasn't interested in some guy being swallowed by a whale, I was here for business and business only. A new life!

Mandoga then proceeded to tell the congregants "who among the flock would like to be born again?" , I jumped off my seat checked my notes and realized my pathetic life is going to end soon. We reached the pulpit, I wasn't the only one who was tired of this life. I was third line I surely didn't take after my father, that nigga was fast, he could have been first.

The first one was dipped into the water and the crowd cheered, when he came out I was surprised he was still an adult I didn't talk, I thought maybe it didn't work. The second one the crowd cheered and I was surprised like are my eyes not working because nothing has changed.

Pastor Mandoga called me, I went into the mere pool and he held me and dipped into the water, the water was cold, so cold but it didn't matter. When I came out of the water I was still an adult and my note was still in back pocket only wet, this time I couldn't keep quiet. " It didn't work" I said, Mandoga became surprised and I knew he knew we had to do it again. To my surprise he said, " Son you're now born again". I gave Mandoga a left uppercut for his gimmicks and a right hook for my troubles. He fell down, we got him out of the water and no one dared to touch me, they kept saying the devil was using me, I didn't know who that was and I really didn't care.

I was arrested and detained without trial, the judge said " I was testing their faith", and I wondered whose faith was being tested, just being sincere.

Now I'm in prison eating ugali, I'm no longer a mechanic and I can't say I live in a shantytown. Maybe and just maybe I was truly born again.