Solitude

I have a friend - rich, lives in plush estate, drives a good car, no kids, no wife. I once asked him "why no family?", he said he got caught up running his business that he forgot to marry. He said that work consumed so much of his life that getting a woman in his life would be torture to the woman let alone the kids. I thought it was selfish, he disagreed he argued that selfishness is the act of using someone or something for one's fulfillment and he wasn't doing that.

I asked does it ever get lonely. "It does but I learnt to do everything I can do with a woman, alone". I wanted to ask him "even sex?", but for obvious reasons I didn't. He said if he wants to go Diani or Everest he just goes he doesn't wait for a woman to do it with. "If it's washing the clothes or the utensils I just do it. If I wanna listen to Rhumba or listen to Karaoke, I do it alone."

It reminded me of a friend who was in his fifties, handsome, affluent and charismatic. I asked him why he never remarried after his divorce. He said "life doesn't need anyone to go on, it just does. It's us humans who think that we must be in pairs for life to move on". It was a take that left my mouth with a sour taste. I asked him does he think if he'll ever remarry if the right woman comes along? , he said he doesn't think he will, he said that he has enjoyed living alone for so long that he doesn't think anyone can complement his life, they can only take and he wasn't ready to give.

Those two men changed my perception of life. Solitude isn't a mental disorder, loving your own company even in your 30's, 40's has no problem at all. Camaraderie and solitude can exist and they an exist separately.

From then on I've learnt to enjoy my own company and it's ok for men and women who love relationships, but if it doesn't work out don't force it. Learn to love yourself they might say you're conceited but don't mind them.