Stop the Violence on our Campus! End Umich on Umich Violence!

When I got up this morning wasted from a night of extreme physical pleasure, I began plunging my body into the steaming hot liquid oozing from my shower to ease my mind and body into a conscious state, slowly coming into my mind the memories of all the academic repetition I did that morning prior, I heard my phone buzz, thinking little of it I ignored it. But soon enough I got out of shower drying off my face, and I saw the words "stabbing on Umich campus", I awakened my inner wolf and began opening my curtains with no shirt, no pants, no shoes to see if I was safe from the knives, guns, and swords that have been entering our campus illegally from the MSU and Ohio State border.

Umich on Umich violence has gotten out of hand and needs to be stopped! We are all brothers and sisters here, what is going on to be causing such senseless nonsense?