I can’t tell if the online relationship I’ve formed is unhealthy or could be considered grooming

Apologies if this is just a really dumb question. For a little backstory, I met this friend of mine on an internet chat room when I was 19 and he was 42. We quickly formed a sexual relationship over the phone which we both got a lot of enjoyment out of. Within the first few days of us talking, he was fawning over me, telling me I was the most amazing girl he’d ever met, that he couldn’t believe I was real, that I’m absolutely gorgeous and beautiful, that he was literally falling in love with me. He told me he loved me within a couple weeks of us talking. In addition to this, he was trying to push me to do things on camera, over the phone and participate in dirty talk/fantasies I was not comfortable with. I declined on multiple occasions and made it clear I wasn’t into what he was asking of me. He was relentless. He pushed and pushed and pushed. Every time we’d call he’d pressure me into saying certain things and acting certain ways that I wanted nothing to do with. This was so long ago that I can’t remember the exact timeline, but I was on the phone with him one night after maybe a few weeks of us talking. He asked me again to do things I didn’t want to do, and I said no again. He snapped at me and verbally pushed me so much with his tone and language and his begging and pressuring that I finally gave in and did what he wanted, and said the things he wanted me to say. When we finished he said “Gotcha.” I remember feeling so much; mainly I felt a little sick to my stomach. This was five years ago. Since this, I’ve basically given into his every whim sexually. I’ve just let him tell me what to do and basically done it with little protest. If I do protest I just end up feeling guilty, and he ends up feeling bad. I’m 24 now; I’ll be 25 in a couple months. We still talk every day and have phone sex that I’m not entirely comfortable with regularly. The issue is, now sometimes I like it and sometimes I don’t. I’ve never been able to figure out if this is my fault or not. I know the age gap is large, but we met on a shady website for sexual arrangements. We’ve never met in person despite being extremely personal and close with each other, telling each other we love each other all the time for five years, so how much could he really have been “forcing me” if I could have just hung up the phone? I know 19 is young, but I was a legal adult looking for phone sex online, so it’s not like he did anything illegal. He did say that when we first started talking, he thought I was lying about my age and was a little bit younger than 19 which I realize is concerning. I realize our relationship now is probably unhealthy and we’ve bonded in ways that are not normal, but the emotion I have towards this man is undeniable. At this point I don’t even know if I’ll care if he did something wrong to me because of how strong the love I have for him is. I realize this sounds ridiculous, I know I sound like an idiot. We met at an odd, vulnerable time in my life and I don’t know if he took advantage of that or not but I know it had to have some affect on the way our relationship has played out. We still talk every day, have phone sex regularly and are very close. I have discussed this at length in therapy and at this point I just really need someone to tell me, flat out, if he is in the wrong or not. If he took advantage of me, or if that’s impossible because it was all over the phone and not a legitimate relationship. I know i sound pathetic. Please go easy on me and just tell me your opinion if you have one.