The desire to do something good destroyed my courage to write

It's an infinite loop of

I want to do something good > It's only possible to write something good when you write something bad > I don't deal with the idea that I'm writing rubbish.

I have story ideas, I have things to say, but I express myself poorly and I can't write for the sake of writing, writing for myself. I lost this when I joined a community of writers, I saw that they all write their stories and 97% of them are of much higher quality than mine.

I started writing a generic fantasy with biblical inspiration, but I gave up when I realized that I couldn't get the best out of this idea, I put it aside and never got past the first chapter.

I want to cry as I write this, but it seems like all I can do is give up after 2 years of failed attempts to write something and finish it.

Motivation is an illusion and I'm not strong enough to be disciplined. I think this charge made me have moderate depression, I was diagnosed with it.

A theme I love to see in stories is about perseverance. Grasping something as uncertain as the idea that I will succeed in life and moving forward with it, facing everything even with fear and horrible thoughts.

Writing has become an attempt to prove to myself that I can be good at something in this life, I hope very, very, very much, to make every time invested worth it.

I just wanted to express myself.

Edit: Thanks so much for the support, guys!