My gender feels deeply connected to femme lesbian

Hi! I’m hope this makes sense but, I’ve recently been changing my views on how I see gender.

In the past, I viewed it as more binary. And yes, I think my views could’ve been considered transphobic. I’m a lesbian and I placed so much emphasis on loving a woman and not including other genders that could identify as lesbian. This is partially due to the relationship I have with my mom and how much I desperately want her to love and accept my partner. So I changed my views for the most likely situation she would do that.

When I realized I was being driven by fear it made me feel sick. I want so desperately to be accepted by the queer community and loved in a way that transcends stereotypes.

I feel like I had to say that first part. Anyway, every time I love someone it’s because I want to share my sensitivity and I view that sensitivity as hyperly feminine. I am attracted to masculine/butch lesbians. I’ve dated multiple of them and each time I’ve only ever shared that sensitivity and femininity to them. I’ve always been a cryer, overly sensitive autistic woman and I’m afraid of showing certain parts of myself to even my closest friends. But a partner who loves that about me and embraces it is so appealing. I just wanted to share my own view on my gender and sexuality because I wanted to let you guys know that people can change. I so desperately wanted to too.

Thank you for listening